A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
