Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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