that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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