The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
