Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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