I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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