I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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