And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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