$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
