everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
