can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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