if i can run in heels then i can drive
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
