You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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