garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
