What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
