i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
