Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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