bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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