the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
