i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
