the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
