I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
