he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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