The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
