he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
