just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
