What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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