The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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