sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
