I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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