I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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