He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You are a genius and a whore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
