I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
