i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
