The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
