I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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