Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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