next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
