i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
