I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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