I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
