And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
