He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
