CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ugly people sure do ruin things
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
