i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
