Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
