Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
