All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
