the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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