so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
