god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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