He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
