Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
