Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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