I'm so fucking centered right now
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
