i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
